milk, meat, and eggs healthier than VEGAN food, major study finds
my impression of the Daily Mail
Katie Price was found dead today after eating a square of vegan cheese. She will never walk again.
The tragedy comes days after a major study found that vegan food is ‘less healthy’ than milk, meat, and eggs, and recommended that vegans ‘include some steak’ in their diets and adopt a ‘balanced approach’.
In the experiment, 43 omnivores aged 18 to 39 were studied against a pair of vegan, arthritis-riddled conjoined-twins, both aged 103. The omnivores were instructed to follow a balanced diet containing milk, meat, and eggs, while the twins were instructed to eat a parallel diet of Oreo Cookies and water.
According the study’s lead author, Dr. Toby Privet-Herefordshire, “These surprising results really confirmed what I’d been expecting. My daughter Libby went vegan three months ago. This’ll really shut her up won’t it—she won’t know what to say. Yeah, Libby will be absolutely heartbroken.”
A vocal faction of vegan medics say they want to do-over, however. According to Dr. Hamas von Beanburg, “As a vegan myself, this study is just the absolute apex of neoliberal logics. Like, I’m vegan and I do it for the animals, the environment, my health, and the world, and this is just not what I was expecting at all. I feel so light-headed.”
Vegans often claim that their diet is ‘healthy’ and ‘reduces heart disease’. However, according to a former director of medical research for the Royal Navy: ‘For a modern disease to be related to an old-fashioned food is one of the most ludicrous things I have ever heard in my life... We’ve been eating meat since before we became humans.’1
Apparently, no diet is one-size-fits-all. As Dr. Privet-Herefordshire warns, “Be a vegan, don’t be a vegan, I don’t care. But don’t start telling me over dinner that cows have feelings and that I should watch whatever f—king documentary you saw, I’m eating my f—king quail eggs, I’m your dad.”
I'd like to see how those carrot-eating morons get out of this one!
So goodb